We’ve all got them.
The unspoken “shoulds” that we don’t question, the ideas about what we have to do, what success looks like, or how we’re supposed to move through the world. I call them fake rules — and they might be quietly wrecking your joy, your time, and your career.
Fake rules are beliefs masquerading as law. They’re the internal scripts that tell you:
- Of course you’re going to host every holiday meal and make every dish from scratch.
- You have to say yes to that work request and complete it immediately, preferably yesterday.
- You don’t meet all the qualifications for the job, so you shouldn’t bother to apply.
While they’re often rooted in the stories we’ve heard, the things we’ve witnessed, or expectations we’ve internalized, they can also become tyrants — sneaky ones — running your life on outdated programming.
Exhibit A: The “Good Girl” Meal
I believed — deep in my soul — that holiday meals I hosted had to be entirely homemade. Store-bought was cheating. A betrayal of love. A shortcut that would make my grandma roll over in her grave. The truth? It stressed me out, ate up my time, and left me too exhausted to enjoy the meal. But that fake rule persisted, because cooking is how I show love — and I hadn’t yet separated the love from the labor.
Exhibit B: The Role You Thought You Couldn’t Have
I was in a marketing role, but craving something more strategic — leading initiatives, owning the product direction, steering the ship. The idea of a business owner or product owner role lit me up, but I didn’t pursue it.
Why?
Because somewhere along the way I’d absorbed a rule: I wasn’t ready. Not qualified enough. Not seasoned enough. I needed more credentials, more certainty, more permission.
Then a male colleague with a similar background — same level of experience, no magical degree — stepped right into that role. Boldly. Effortlessly. Without second-guessing.
That was the moment the rule cracked.
It wasn’t my capabilities that had been holding me back — it was my belief about my capabilities. And fake rules love to masquerade as caution, leading us to slow down when we should speed up.
Fake rules love to masquerade as caution, leading us to slow down when we should speed up.
Breaking the Rules — On Purpose
When you feel friction from a fake rule, ask yourself:
Is this a real rule?
Ask yourself (saying it out loud helps me!) if this is an actual rule, or just one that you choose to believe. If you’re not sure, ask someone else. You might be surprised to learn that your “rule” is really just a long-held assumption.
What’s the worst that could happen if I don’t follow it?
Would your coworkers revolt if you didn’t respond to every Slack ping immediately?
Would your guests walk out if you outsourced the dinner rolls?
Would your career end if you raised your hand?
Probably not.
Challenging one fake rule tends to knock down the whole row. It rewires your permission settings. It makes space — not just for rest or joy — but for creativity, authenticity, and real impact.
So... which fake rule is running your day?
- That your calendar must be packed to prove productivity?
- That you have to be an expert before you can start doing something?
- That success looks like working twice as hard for half the credit?
It’s Time to Break Some Rules
Get started by naming and breaking one “fake rule” this week — whether it's pitching an idea, applying for the job, or .
Let’s stop letting these mental policies write our to-do lists.
Let’s start rewriting the rules—or better yet, ignoring them completely.
Fake rules thrive in silence. They vanish in daylight. So name them. Challenge them. Break one this week — whether it's speaking up in a meeting, applying for the job, or taking the first bite before anyone else is served.
