Dear Corporate Girlies

Have you ever cried at work?

By Tina McDonald

Dear Corporate Girlies,

The first time I cried at work, I was 24 and a brand new manager at a test prep company. A parent, angry about a schedule change for an SAT class his child was enrolled in, called in and went off. He let me know everything I did wrong, called me an idiot, and told me that I had no business being in business. After we hung up, I crawled under my desk and hosted a pity party for one.

When the party was over, I realized two things. First, I had received some important input that could help me improve how I handled schedule changes in the future. To dismiss the feedback because the packaging was ugly would have been a mistake. Second, it was up to me to filter the feedback I had received. I decided to keep and hear the part about how to handle schedule changes. I decided to reject and ignore the part about me being an idiot.

Feedback is essential. It helps us grow and improve, forces us to confront truths that might be uncomfortable to hear, and gives us insights into how others perceive and experience the choices we make in our work. But you do not have to act on every piece of feedback you receive. You get to be the filter.

Here are some questions to help you set your filter:

Is this helpful: will it improve your thinking, the quality of your work, your decision-making?

Is this actionable: can you do anything about it, is it within your control, what would be required to take action?

What’s objective and what’s subjective: how much of the feedback is based on facts, and how much is personal preference?

What is the other person not seeing: what do you know or understand that the other person may not?

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Talk soon,